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July 13th, 2005

12:12 pm - I'm in Trouble Today I embarked upon one of the best adventures I've had in my house... Momma was cleaning the house (because Auntie M's coming home today) and I figured that was my chance to be as obnoxious as possible. There are a few stock things I do to accomplish that task: ~Attack the dust mop while Momma sweeps, ~Scratch on the bottom of the couch and box springs, ~Try to constantly be in the way, and of course ~Bite a lot. Well, to add to the excitement this morning, instead of just scratching on the bottom of the bed, I decided to get IN the box spring!! Yep, I've managed to rip the box spring cover off and form a small entrance into another world of wood and metal. Boy was Momma pissed off!!! She chased me around the house and yelled a lot (so I bit her in the foot and hands). The best part for me was watching Momma try to fix-or rig-the box spring cover so I can't do that anymore. She had yarn and tape...two of my favorite toys! Needless to say, I didn't make the repair task go very smoothly! HAHA! There's never a dull moment when I'm involved! -K Current Mood: creative

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June 30th, 2005

12:57 pm - Foreigners Well, I am happy to report that my favorite play mate has returned to the casa. My owners call him the Canadian. I am not sure what that means, but they are prone to saying 'eh' on the end of their sentences a lot. Why I like him: - he lets me crawl up his leg - he picks me up and throws me around - he lets me bite him..hard to test my teeth - he's afraid of the back yard, too - he talks to Momma about hockey (I could care less about it) - he brings banana popsicles which Momma shares with me - he makes us all laugh (especially Auntie M) Bring on the maple syrup, eh. I'm a kitty with a sweet tooth. -Keiko make no mistakeo Current Mood: ecstatic

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June 24th, 2005

03:26 pm - Streamers! Boy do I love birthdays, and I don't even care if it's mine or someone else's. I say this because each time one of my Aunts or Uncles has a birthday (this time it was Uncle E), Momma decorates the house with streamers and banners and the like. What I call that is a "Fun House!!!" I rip the streamers off the wall and attack them. It's like a small Tabby playground! I encourage all of you to wrap yourselves in multi-colored crepe paper and dance around like a bucking bronco whether it's for a birthday celebration or not...you know what I'm talking about! Enjoy! K Current Mood: crazy

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June 20th, 2005

11:17 pm - Shout-outs (or apologies) Auntie M-Let me start by apologizing about the early morning hug bite. I also want to say how sorry I am for trying to climb the bookshelf in your room tonight. You know how much I like baskets, so when I saw that one on the third shelf, I found it appropriate to pursue my goal and not give up until I reached it—I learned that from watching you. Unfortunately, upon my first try for that shelf, instead of landing in the basket, I caught the edge and pulled it down, falling an embarrassing three stories to the floor. Meanwhile, everything that was in that basket (your very expensive and precious makeup) came crashing to the ground with a bang. I’m really sorry I broke it, but I want you to know that I didn’t get hurt, so don’t worry about me…. While I’m sending my shout outs, I want to thank Uncle E for coming home Saturday night and playing some “intoxicating” piano for me. (It’s never a dull moment when any of the humans have had a few too many and try to entertain the masses upon arriving home.) I also want to be the first so say HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE E!!! I’m glad I get to celebrate with you tomorrow. If you’re lucky, I’ll hug bite you in the morning, too!! One last apology - This one goes to someone by the name of Auntie S: I’m sorry for pretending to bite your arm and then hissing really loudly at you yesterday! I know you love kitties, but I was really nervous and was trying to take a nap. And you’re not much bigger than me, so I was confused. I hope there are no scars, or furthermore, scarred emotions. Come back and visit soon—I’ll try to be nicer next time. Holla' at the rest of you! Peace out! Homey K Current Mood: curious

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June 8th, 2005

08:34 pm - How dare you say that my behavior's unacceptable? Dear owners: I am tired of the constant feedback about my behavior. I am a cat for crying out loud. We long to stalk, scratch furniture and bite. I am what I am. Freebird. Quit spraying me with that *!*? squirt bottle or you are going to find it in a place that you would rather not have discovered it! That said, my behavior is no match for yours. I don't understand humans. Are they all like you, or are you the non-normative ones? I hear you talking about the law of attraction, and how I came in to your life because I am like you. Piss on that. You are all crazy. Tonight's big dinner conversation was centered around male body parts. I am a girl but sometimes I feel bad for Uncle E. Since I know you would all laugh now rather than actually taking me seriously, let me give you some candid examples. Auntie M: I love your talk about how I was a dog ruler in a former life. Does anyone believe in reincarnation except for you anymore? Geez. Where is the maid anyway because this place is a mess? I was also one of your boyfriends in a former life. You were much calmer then, but maybe that was because you were a poodle. On the upside, I love your 'look'. It kind of reminds me of the days we spent together so long ago. Uncle E: You are obsessed with things that plug in. That electronics compound you set up in the living room is like cat Six Flags while you are asleep at night. Since I am not supposed to be near those cords and wires, I wrap myself up in them and purr. It's very soothing and I like taking the risk that I will become that cat that fried on the Christmas tree in the Christmas Vacation movie. Risky business. Momma: If you continue to try to put that harness on me you are going to be sorry. I know you don't know where Van Gogh the one-eared mouse is currently, but just know that one day you are going to be VERY surprised. Also, my name is Keiko. All the other names are cute (muffin, keikopelli, etc.) but I am ready to go by my adult cat name. I am cat ruler hear me roar! My cat therapist, Dr. Brown-Tabby, tells me to write these letters for the purpose of ridding these thoughts from my mind. I probably won't actually let E, H, and M see this, but I feel as good as when I barfed on Momma's pillowcase. She thought I was sick..... Peace out. K Current Mood: naughty

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June 7th, 2005

08:39 pm - Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs Hello everyone, So, not to get graphic on you, but I have been sick a lot lately. It started with some urinary issues (thank goodness for WebMD-cat) and completed with some barfing. A lot of barfing. Momma kept taking me to the doctor at her work. That doctor is nice, but staying in the cages watching Momma's coworkers drop dogs on the ground was frightening. I went to my special place by breathing and remembering Auntie M's yoga words. Anyway, they gave me lots of meds and ran tests to no avail. Auntie M called to check on me from Austin and Nashville. Momma kept her up to date with text pages. She was upset about me being sick. Uncle E pet me and let me sit by him quietly. I like him. Clinical Diagnosis: After much contemplation I am prepared to speak the truth. Since there are other cats suffering with this as well, I thought it important to communicate to all of you. It could be the next silent killer. Just call me a cat prophet (like Auntie M does.) It turns out that I have a couple of issues. The first is an anxiety disorder which is present in a high percentage of house cats. My urinary condition causes my belly to not produce enough mucus. The discharge instructions: For the urinary issues I need to take a dietary supplement for the rest of my life. When I puke I might take IpeCAT. For my anxiety issues my owners need to take me outside at least twice a day so I can see the world around me. Not the best way to get a harness, but Momma went and got me a harness and collar at the cat ranch. I have what is the opposite of agoraphobia. I have anxiety about staying in the house. I am so glad we figured this out. A huge weight has been lifted. I am free to be me..... Current Mood: relieved

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May 30th, 2005

09:25 pm - CAR RIDES!! Every time Momma forces me into that carrier and places me in the front seat of the car, I get really nervous! Usually, the only reason for me to ride in the car is for a trip to the doctor's office (Momma's workplace). I HATE THAT! They always poke and prod at me, so of course I hiss and bite!! But my last car ride was definitely out of the norm. Here's what happened: Thursday night grew near and I heard Momma rummaging around in her closet. I got butterflies in my belly-and then she emerged with it...the carrier. I fought back as best I could (I hate that plastic box) so I wouldn't have to go. But she caught me! Here we go to the doctor's again! At least that's what I thought. This car ride was a lot longer than the usual trip to the doctor's though, so I started crying and howling to see if Momma would let me out of my cage. It worked!!! She let me out, but what I hadn't realized was that the car had stopped and we were at our strange destination which had lots of cars and rolling birds. I paced throughout the car wondering what was going on because we just sat there for what seemed like an hour. All of a sudden, as I was lying in the front seat, Auntie M appeared outside the window!!!! I was so excited that I screamed her name and Momma had to grab me so I wouldn't escape. Auntie M got in the car and we were off again. This time they left my cage door open, but I figured with Momma driving, it would probably be safest to hunker down inside my cage instead of exploring. When we got back home, I heard Momma and Auntie M discussing our most recent journey. Auntie M had just gotten back from New York. She told Momma how much she had missed me and that she should bring me along for the ride to pick her up. Auntie M travels a lot! I'm worried that that means many more car rides in my future!? Or maybe Auntie M will take me on one of those rolling birds with her. I guess either would be all right as long as it doesn't involve any needles! Current Mood: relieved

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May 17th, 2005

10:05 pm - Venting I have a prime example for why I don't write all the time: I just finished typing a superior story about 'Woe is Keiko' and the darn computer shut off and I lost it all! I might as well type on a typewriter-at least it won't erase itself when I get side-tracked chasing a bug. So now I'll try to recreate my complaints for today (in narrative form): Not much activity today. I spent an hour and 45 minutes sitting on the counter staring at the wall in the kitchen. Haha, real funny, no it wasn't the 'herbs' again. Some creature has decided to climb itself into the walls of my house. It scratches and scrapes behind the bowls and plates. I can't wait til that potential friend manifests so I can play with it. The humans seem concerned, but mostly with the sound and not with me being in "I'm-Not-Supposed-To-Be-Up-Here-Land," since I guess they figure I have the best chance of keeping the "20" of whatever it may be. (I heard Auntie M use that term when she was making sure I wasn't in her room on Sunday.) Unfortunately, the scratching has grown dim over the last couple of days. Are you still there friend? No answer.... Momma was talking to Uncle E again about checking prices of harnesses and how they were a lot cheaper than she had previously thought. Bad news for me!! I mean, I want to go outside, but not with that dorky harness on!! What would Grey Tabby and Pinky think?! (They're my outside-only friends.) I'll be the laughing stock of the neighborhood, and they may never come to my window again! Momma better buy me a disguise, too. Forget it! No harness! I'll bite a lot before I'll let them put that thing on me!! One last thing: Can someone turn on the A/C already?? Try being locked up in your bedroom for 14 hours a day with no air circulation and see how grumpy you get! And they wonder why I bite all the time! That's all I have for now, or at least all I can remember. Better luck next time, right! -K P.S. Thanks to all my screaming fans for wondering why I haven't written in a long time. You'll have to take it up with the humans that live with me! Either they need to stay in town for longer than a few hours each week or teach me to turn on the computer (or the typewriter) so I can get down to business!! Current Mood: grumpy

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April 27th, 2005

08:18 pm - Close Encounter of the Herb Kind Those two are crazy!! Auntie M arrived home this evening with a bang, as usual, and persuaded Momma that she should take me out back for another wonderful (harness-free) outdoors adventure. As we were standing on the deck taking in the fresh air, Auntie M starting dropping all kinds of F-bombs and carrying on about some crazy squirrel. Momma asked her what she was talking about and M told her about this squirrel that was burying acorns in her herb garden this morning. That's one thing you just don't do in this house...mess with M's fresh herbs! So, as Momma got a good laugh out of that story, Auntie M leaned over to fix the soil in the uprooted pot of chervil. Momma and I watched her stand up having pulled some sort of weed out of the rosemary while reorganizing the herbs. "That's poison ivy!!" "Are you serious?" "Yes, put it down. I was in Girl Scouts, I know what poison ivy looks like!" We all ran inside, cutting my wonderful journey short. As Auntie M made a bee line to the bathroom sink (to wash her hands fives times--we all know how allergic she is), she convinced Momma to get on the internet and research the topic. "Find a picture, the treatment, anything!" The first website they found was some guy that had people sending him pictures of what they thought was poison ivy and then he would confirm or deny their beliefs. If he said no, it wasn't poison ivy, he went on to tell the viewers what they really had a picture of and, in most cases, no need to worry. As Momma continued to profess that Auntie M had come into contact with the feared plant, the online search carried on. After a few minutes of intense silence, there it was! A picture of what Auntie M had encountered in the herbs! Someone had the exact picture of our mystery plant.... WILD STRAWBERRY!!! Boy did they get a good giggle out of that. Even after they knew the truth, Auntie M continued to institute the idea that her finger still itched and "Are you sure...blah, blah, blah." Turn off that bright light, I was napping!!! Can we get through just one night without all the drama?! That's all I have to say. Here's hoping for a quiet night's sleep...for once. -K P.S. From what I hear, the herb garden is 100% legal. Current Mood: sleepy

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April 26th, 2005

05:01 pm - The truth as they know it Today I heard Auntie M laughing about this e-mail that she got from a friend. She told me it had to do with cats, and that I exhibited some of the behaviors it talked about just today! She said that is why she accidentally kicked me. Accident? Whatever.... Being a cat with many layers, my intellectual side begged for stimulation. So I took a look. Here is what it said..... EXCERPTS FROM THE CAT'S DAILY DIARY: > > Day 283 Of My Captivity. > My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. > They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. > The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild > satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. > Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my > captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost > succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to > disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself > to vomit on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed. > Decapitated a mouse and brought > them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am > capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. > They only cooed and > condescended about what a good little cat I was. > Hmmm, not working according > to plan. > There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in > solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and > smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was > due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use > it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and > maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than > happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other > hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am > certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the > metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter > of time... It's me again...I can't say I agree or disagree with the points above. I think I will go back and plot the next way to irritate Uncle E.... -K Current Mood: contemplative

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April 20th, 2005

06:09 pm - Take that! Howdy folks! I had to start out that way because I am a Texas cat. I must have tricked them in to thinking I am good or something, because I have been taken outside in to the Texas outdoors on many occasions lately. I heard Momma talking about getting a cat harness again. I tried to be cool, but I hope she gets me one! Then I can go out on the town all the time. Auntie M asked Momma if she was serious about the harness, and really kind of inferred it was a bad idea. I was cool, but this morning I buttered Auntie M up by purring and sitting by her during early yoga. Then, when she was least expecting it, I reared up, jumped, and hug-bit her on the back of her right thigh. That will teach her to foil my cat harness travel plans! Ha! She screamed as usual, said a few bad words, and I ran in to the bathroom and crawled in to my safe place-the sink. They can't do anything when I am in the sink because my position there is completely offensive. Uncle E came out then (don't these people sleep--it was like 6 AM!?) and they both laughed at me. Then they got the camera and took my picture. Damn, they are cheery in the morning. I wonder if all humans are like this, or if I just got the short end of the stick. Current Mood: predatory

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April 12th, 2005

07:06 pm - What a lovely day! Today, folks, was a relaxing day. Not much to do, not much done. I started the morning (at 4:30) with eating breakfast and then a couple hours of loud playtime and scratching on the bottom of Momma's bed. Boy does she get mad about that! (She threatened me with the spray bottle, so maybe I'll lay off of that for a while.) Auntie M and Uncle E quietly left for work this morning so I got in an extra couple hours of cat napping. Around 10, Momma carried me outside (I'm not allowed to go out on my own) to the back patio. I sniffed and sniffed until my lungs were full of fresh air...pollen and ragweed. Momma showed me what she called a Blue Jay...I knew him as a 'feathery creature,' but it sure was quite fun interacting with him from the outside instead of through the glass for a change! Who knew that's what a morning's breeze feels like?! After that, Momma quickly got ready and left only to return this evening talking about having to get new front brakes and some other car mumbo-jumbo. Don't they know yet that I don't care about them, just myself?!?! Someday they'll learn. Of course I just slept all day! But I'll have them regretting they left me all alone tonight!! -K Current Mood: restless

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April 11th, 2005

10:57 am - How, Kacuca Hello all! Auntie M is back!! She breezed in the door last night right before Desperate Housewives (more about that later.) She was in Austin for the weekend at a wine and food festival with her friend J. As she was bringing in her stuff, I immediately jumped toward the open door to escape to the outdoors and she yelled my name in a very angry way. I figured she was serious from the tone and decide not to push it. Welcome home, mean Auntie M. My question is, why did she have so much stuff for a two day trip out of town? And, why was she wearing this weird piece of ankle jewelry? I wanted to bite at it, but she seemed relaxed and I didn't want to be the one to ruin that for her. Apparently that Austin place agrees with her. I've never been there, but I hope to go one day. I heard them talking about taking me on a trip, but it involved a cat harness, so I am not sure how I feel about it. Last night we watched the new episodes of Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy. Momma and Auntie M want to know when a man like the plumber on DH will move on to our street. Momma said he is hot. I'm not sure what that means, but she was smiling when she said it. My plan for today is to sleep all day and hope that it doesn't rain. Maybe I will meditate a little, too. -K Current Mood: contemplative

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April 8th, 2005

07:59 pm - Playtime When the Sun Goes Down I thought I would share with you the experiences I had last night while the family slept. At 4:30am I was sleeping, as usual, and I heard an intriguing noise. When I went to investigate, I came upon a lovely new friend-A ROACH. After trying to talk him in to playing with me, with no success, I decided it more appropriate to play hockey with him. And when I say play 'with him,' I mean his body was the puck! The best part of the whole experience was when I ventured into the bedroom. I woke momma up because I thought she might appreciate the 'little' gift I had found (she didn't think it was little). She jumped out of bed and yanked the chain on the ceiling fan to turn on the light! There it was, my trophy, right on the floor! She jumped down and kept yelling "Get away!" as I tried to 'score another goal' through the doorway. Sadly, this part of the story ends with her rushing to get the roach spray, and after he was exterminated, covering my hockey puck with the dust pan til the morning (he took the re-lo package out the front door!). As if that wasn't enough fun for one night, as I was snooping about in the bedroom, I smelled something very familiar.... No, it wasn't turkey, it wasn't another bug, it wasn't Uncle E's stash...IT WAS CATNIP!!! I darted from corner to corner, bag to bag, only to find that momma had hidden some mice toys in her purse. "Is she cheating on me with another feline? No way!" But just in case she is, I stole that package of three catnip-dipped, rear-fur mice right out of her purse! I'll show her! I took that package out into the dining room and proceeded to try to set those mice free of their plastic cage! I chewed at the packaging, I tore and I ripped. Sealed tight! I started getting frustrated and since I was losing hope of their companionship, I ended up ripping off their little red ears and little red noses. Sorry mice, you too could've been my next hockey pucks! Since that plan was not successful, I ended my night by crawling back up into bed with momma and going fast to sleep. (Needless to say, when momma found those mice the next morning, she was not happy! "Those weren't for you! You have your own mice." I try to tell her I've hidden all my mice under the couch, but Uncle E hasn't gotten the chance to fish them out lately!) What an eventful night!!! I brought momma a gift and since she didn't like the first one, I destroyed the other one! That's pretty typical of me though.... Lovey-dovey and purring one second, angry and hug-biting the next. Since it's the weekend, I hope you all have as much fun as I did last night! Best Wishes, ~Keiko-make-NO-mistake-o! P.S. Sorry it's taken me so long to write! I do sleep up to 21 hours a day, and as you can tell, I'm pretty busy those other 3 hours! Current Mood: mischievous

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April 7th, 2005

09:23 am - Another morning in paradise Hello all: I think it would be helpful to give you a bit more information about my living arrangements. I live in this fantastic neighborhood which affords me the luxury of watching many squirrels and cats outside my front windows. I have the run of most of the house, and it's a pretty dynamic place. That is the upside. The downside is that living with my three owners is sometimes an exercise in restraint..... For example, last night after I wrote the three of them were in the den chatting and listening to tunes on the TV. Auntie M chose this 80s station because she says it reminds her of her formative years. I'm learning to recognize her favorite songs, which is good because "Beat It" came on and she proceeded to do an impression of Michael Jackson. Okay, I had a couple of problems with this and I will describe them in detail. Have they not been watching the news lately about his unfortunate problems with the law? I mean, come on, don't you think it would be safe to wait until after we find out if he is a bad man (that is what they train me to ascertain when the ladies introduce me to new friends?) Secondarily, come on Auntie M, have some pride. You were dancing about in your pjs and we all know Mr. Jackson's favorite moves. Geez-please stop you are not good! Since I know Auntie M has the attention span of a gnat, I just walked on over and bit her on the front of the leg. That always stops her dead in her tracks. At least it stopped this impression. Unfortunately she thinks she is so funny that I know I only stopped that one instance. The other two are such a good audience that I am sure it will happen again tonight. Even more ironic is that every time I hug-bite her she says, "I love you, Keiko." They made me watch this movie a couple of weeks ago titled "What the Bleep Do We Know?" It's this philosophical movie about the universe and how science and spirituality connect. Auntie M and Momma loved the movie. Uncle E was a bit on the fence even with all the scientific references (he's a bit of a geek I'd say.) Auntie M's favorite part of the movie was the part about an experiment on water particles where the scientist put messages on water bottles. He said and pasted nice things like 'I love you' on some, and nasty things like 'I hate you' on others. The love water particles ended up with a molecular structure that looked like snowflakes. The hate particles looked mean and ugly. After the movie Auntie M announced that there would only be kind talk in the house starting right then. If I act out she tells me that she loves me. It might be helpful to try a little negative reinforcement on me. I mean, have you people heard of setting boundaries? In order to show the softer side of me, it is important to note that I do love all three of them. The only reason I want to get on Auntie M's yoga mat when she is practicing is because I want her to pet me. I'm much nicer in the morning, and it is hard to stay away from her because her hair is so fantastic right when she wakes up. She kind of looks a bit like Albert Einstein. I know that if I am patient and I don't interrupt her post-yoga meditation time, she will pick me up and hug me for a while before she goes to get ready for work. I like to put my head on her shoulder and purr. Namaste, Auntie M -K Current Mood: happy

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April 6th, 2005

09:43 pm - Introductions     Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Keiko, but I've been known to go by several aliases...Cakes, Cakey, Muffin, Bad Tabby, Keiko-Make-Mistake-O, Cakesicord, Tabitha, and at rare times...A**hole.  This of course all depends on the mood of my people. And while we're on the subject, let's talk about my owners.  I call them two girls and a guy. Someday I'll learn their names, but as I can only speak 'rowr' or 'merrowr', I haven't bothered.  They are quite unique though.  The old female human, Auntie M, is always shooing me out of her room and won't ever share her yoga mat.  I mean, what's that about!  The younger female human has curly hair and keeps my belly full.  We'll call her Momma.  The third human, Uncle E, is always coming and going but is good for some rough housing or a quick back rub.  They always bicker about the silly things, you know, my scratching on the couch, my hacking up on the floor, etc.  With all the arguing, I think they might be related. Gotta go, time for a quick bath, a nap, and then some furniture destruction before I call it a night. Current Mood: excited

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